Last night’s meeting lasted 4.30h. After a long day at work one would think that 4.30h of meeting would kill, but it was good. Im not sure to which extent it was productive, but every Tuesday I put on a coat of the red cross and I get on “working mode” and never have the chance to really meet with the other volunteers and actually talk. Tuesdays are charged, from work directly to the red cross, it starts at 19.30 and it finishes around 00.30 with arrival at home any time between 1 and 2 in the morning. 5 to 6 hours of sleep and back to the metro direction suit dressed world - work.

You have no time to think nor to wonder where all your actions are leading. We all have time but not enough during our “working time” to reflect. This can easily lead to a sudden burn out, when on an exhausted day during the week you wonder why the hell are you even bothering to volunteer and what your motivation is. Its unbelivable but you get into a “relationship” with the homeless and you start taking a part of responsability (which maybe you shouldnt) on their lives and future. It is not only you who is influencing their lives but also them who are influencing yours, and all of a sudden that can lead to a crack. You are giving your time, a time you could spend having a beer with a friend or watching a movie. Then why bother helping someone if two, three weeks in a row they dont smile back at you or simply just repeat the same story over and over. Where is all of this leading?

The life of a “volunteer” (who does the same as me) seems to last from 6 months to a year. Afterall it is all related to your objectives, the highest these are the easier you will be decieved. In the world id love to change many things, but I know i cant walk out of my door and change things. They do say think global and act local, but even like that sometimes one encounters frustrations. When you go to work Wendsay morning and you are running through the streets not to be too late cuz you missed your alarm clock and in addittion the previous night you think you in no way helped change anybody’s life it is then that you start to rethink what all your actions are leading to. However, the next Tuesday comes and with a renewed energy you head to the famous rue where you meet your two team members and start the journey through the streets of the 11eme....a simple smile or thank you from the part of the homeless revives your motivation, you are there for something. You were right when a few months back you called some unknown number to say you wanted to help out.

And the meeting is good to see that you are not the only one that sometimes might wonder why you do this, that falls into a routine, and wonders how all of this will on the long run change the persons. But this experience not only has helped me to create relationships with around 7 to 8 parisian homeless but to also be much more alert and sensitive to the situation of homeless people and the intensity of their problems. I have comed to start talking to certain homeless in the streets who I would have easily avoided or simply dropped a 10cents coin a few months back. And although quite a reserved person I think afterall this experience is helping me to listen and react to situations even more than I previously did.