And the bachelor is over

Tommorrow is the last day, the day where they call our names and we get a piece of paper, everybody aplaudes everybody is (suposately) happy and we all party the night off. Its been almost four months since our last exams, actually two for those with resits (in other words, me). And its taken the office two months to get all the papers ready, im really not going to get into the burocracy topic right now...

Tommorrow is the day where you see the faces of those people you have been seeing for the past three years and of who you still dont know anything about. Tommorrow is the day that before leaving the univsersity you start a chat with someone who suddenly you discover had the same intrests as you, you discover that you always avoided that certain person who afterall was not as you thought. Its the day where you start chating with people you didnt even knew their name, and somehow you feel they could have been your best friend. You realize that it is over, officially over, once again over, and once again its the begining of an end (not gona go into that song either..). Its the day where you say hi and pretend to be friends with those people you met the first day of your arrival in the country and who for some reason you never crossed paths again, its the day that you realize that that guy who was always sitting in the back or simply not showing up for class and arriving late at exams has a cumlaude.

Afterall its just a bachelor diploma, but once again its a closure to another time. Lets face it the world is small yeah, and you will definately see ppl around the world when less expected. Has happened a bunch of times to me. But you will never be sitting again in B5 with the same 350 people (well.. at no time where we ever 350 together) listening to those professors. I guess i wouldnt want to go back in time either and have to go over the same boring (most of them) lectures again. But I will miss some familiar faces, and I will miss some people, some of which will never know that I will. Tommorrow night ill be sitting in the same place, infront of this same screen, hearing probably the same songs and by me I will have the diploma. Bachelor of science in International Business Administration. Nothing will have changed from today, just that the table will have one more paper on it.

Looking back, this sounds impossible. I knew i came here to make it, afterall if you puted a bit of effort it wasnt so hard to survive. In june 2003 i was jumping of happines of finally living in my own :) and in another country and the best part came with the fact that they spoke another language (just love that foreign/mysterious aspect of countries with languages that seems very strange *yeah dutch is no strange language by now..but well there is always some mystery to discover new words and phrases). However, I will admit that after 6 months in the netherlands i had my first nervous breakdown where I started to get convinced that it was time to go to Barcelona and forget about an international carrer and expierence and finally discover what Barcelona was all about... It seemed like the "newness" in the country was gone, nobody intresting to meet, nothing intresting to study,no job to do, no sun to shine over the grey days....

Dont know what happened, but i stayed. I was even suposed to leave for my master, everything was ready for my application at ESADE, had meetings with directors, obtained refrence letters, was ready for my exams but im still here... Well the bachelor is over, and now comes the master. Next september Ill be definately gone. Next year this time ill be in Paris (hopefully).... going through the same "newness" once again and trying to figure out once again if that is what I really want or not.... and asking myself why I always push myself to look for something new... Am I escaping something??? Or is it symply a need for discovery??? Would it ever be worth to stop time?? Wouldnt it be better to experience 1,000 different things than just 1 good one? I sometimes want to stop these cycles of newness because at some time they drag you down, on the other hand they are too adictive..... im still wondering if there are any answers...

In the meanwhile, I stick to what I found in somebody's blog, which once again is from DalaiLama (and that is just a coincidence)

Old friends pass away, new friends appear. It is just like the days. An old day passes, a new day arrives. The important thing is to make it meaningful: a meaningful friend - or a meaningful day." Dalai Lama